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red sweatpants guy archive

Come on in and stay for awhile. Kick back, relax, and enjoy all that this one man has to offer.  (But please, don't feed the animals)

5/6/99

I received this email recently from freshmen reporter Rob Pierry:

oh the agony...Red Sweatpants guy was in my physics class.  Normally
this sort of thing doesn't ever motivate me to email, but he was
soooooooo annoying that I just had to mention that.

Reporters Gretchen Reinhart and Brittany Erin Powell saw RSPG talking to a "friend" in Kirr Commons, at the University Center.  Upon seeing this, they tried desperately to join in on this conversation, with the hope of at least hearing a witty anecdote from RSPG himself.  Perhaps he would have offered some timeless advice such as, "Try some reverb."  Unfortunately, their efforts were unsuccessful.  Later in the day though, Brittany talked to that "friend" that was in the conversation with RSPG.  She asked who he had been talking to.  The friend's reply was, "Oh, the guy in the green shirt?"  So apparently, he is known all over by his colorful clothing, whether it be his red sweatpants or his green shirt.  Is this not beautiful?  Yeah, you're right, it's not beautiful.  But you have to admit it is kind of funny, right?  Yeah, I guess it doesn't have to be, but you get the idea.

Red Sweatpants guy was spotted by Tammy Mansky on April 11th, in the Red Sweatpants.  There was a short time, with the extreme warmth, that I thought the sweatpants were stashed away for the season.  Red Sweatpants Guy was even sighted in shorts.  (little short blue ones, with the word's "You want me, don't ya!" written across his butt)  But luckily, Red Sweatpants Guy broke out the sweatpants for one more day.

But this serves as a reminder.  It is going to get warm and stay warm...and rain a lot (not related, but it will).  No one wears sweatpants in the summer, not even Red Sweatpants Guy.  He may own a pair of red sweatshorts, as Brian Yeung pointed out, but this is doubtful.  I mean red sweatshorts?  That would just look silly.

So that makes me wonder, what are we to do?  Should we keep putting up sightings, even with him in shorts?  Should we put the sight on hold until next year when we come back and the sweatpants are back in full force?  Maybe we could alter the sight in some way?  (ie. contests, prizes, land in Montana)  Is there someone else we want to "watch?"  If you have any suggestions, email Steve or me, and let us know what you want to do.

In the mean time, here is a new sighting I found on the web.  I think it is from somewhere in California, how he got there, we do not know.  Especially since he was sighted around here at the same time.  But how many guys in red sweatpants can there be?  I'm gonna say one.

Guess whom I ran into tonight?  You guessed it: the Red Sweat Pants Guy
himself.  He turned onto Clyde Street while walking in the direction away
from Fairfax.

But as encounters with this Man of the Shadows always do, this one left me
thinking.  As we've established, the RSPG is militantly,
earth shatteringly, government-topplingly Communist.  (Though he was
wearing gray leggings tonight.  Perhaps a tone of moderation has crept in?)
Communists have been vilified for a long time.  The RSPG must feel isolated
from the rest of the world.  Who else in this country experiences such
hatred?  Lawyers.  In fact, one might venture to guess that they take more
flak than even Commies.

And with whom do lawyers spend their time?  That's right: Billy Ocean.  By
watching Ally McBeal, the RSPG has given a silent nod to the Eighties
crooner who brought us hits like ``Get Out of My Dreams, Get Into My Car".
Thanks, RSPG, for putting Billy back on the pedestal where he belongs.

Guess who just walked into the Hunt Cluster?

None other than RSPG, wearing the RSP. :-)
He is now checking e-mail through Mulberry as of 12:16 AM.
He is wearing a blue jacket and white New Balance shoes.
He just made a growling noise at the computer. He seems frustrated.
More updates as they become available.

After RSPG made frustrated noises at the computer, he started using
Netscape. He went to a site with lots of tables, then checked a PDF
(presumably a homework assignment). He made more strange noises, almost like
he was angry at the monitor, and seemed kind of enraged. Then he logged out
and left the room.

Based on this information, I think RSPG could be considered either:
1) having a multiple personality disorder--normally annoying, sometimes very
   talkative, and sometimes enraged, or
2) dangerous.

It is clear that spending large amounts of time with RSPG makes people
agitated, nervous, or compelled to type long e-mails for no reason.

That's about it. Keep an eye out for Red Sweatpants Guy, and remember: he
could be armed and extremely dangerous.

Thursday evening at about 4:40 PM, a Microsoft company representative
hosted a presentation in Wean Hall 7500 about the new technologies and
features behind the upcoming Windows 2000 operating system.
Red Sweatpants Guy was spotted sitting at the very back
of the lecture hall near the exit. He was not immediately recognized in
his stylish olive-green slacks which he wore in place of his usual red
sweatpants. Identification was made, however, during a period when
members of the audience were given the opportunity to ask questions
about the new operating system. RSPG seized the opportunity and took the
floor to inquire about the presenter's reaction to a Ziff-Davis article
that stated that Linux running Samba performed better as a web server
than a similar Windows NT machine. The question led to chorus of groans
from others in attendance because it was not immediately to the topic
being discussed and not an issue that many people were particularly
concerned about. The presenter proceeded to avoid answering the question
and went ahead with his presentation. Throughout, the remainder of the
discussion RSPG continued to ask meaningless questions and frequently
would yell out random comments directed towards the host. When pizza was
delivered about half way through the presentation and offered to members
of the audience, RSPG selected three slices of cheese pizza and
proceeded to ingest them thus satisfying his nightly food requirements.

    These past couple weeks have been pretty hectic with sightings coming in from all over.  (Did you know that Red-Sweatpants Guy has been spotted in Guantanamo Bay, New Zealand, and my mom's kitchen?  All in the same day too!)  And all these times he was not wearing THE red sweatpants.  There were several days in a row of grey sweatpants, a few days of jeans, and even one day of nice, dress slacks.  Reporter Stephen Laniel even spotted Red-Sweatpants Guy walking around with a box if fishing tackle in his hands.  Now I know what you are saying, "What's the big deal about carrying a box of fishing tackle around with you?"  My response, "It wasn't Thursday."
    But, after all this worry, and brainstorming for the possibility of having to come up with a new name for this man (The Guy formerly known as Red-Sweatpants Guy; Mulicolored Sweatpants Guy; The Guy with an Interesting Assortment of Leg Ware; Bertha) he was spotted again wearing the famous red sweatpants:

    Red-Sweatpants Guy was spotted in the Cyert cluster, wearing red sweatpants.  He was clearly angry with something and was heard to say, "Oh great, buy.com won't guarantee anything it sends to you.  They don't have to send it to you.  Great!"  Our researchers have decided that this could mean many things.  His anger could be translated very literally as him being angry that buy.com will not guaranted deliveries.  Or, if he is in fact a communist as the red sweatpants seem to imply, he could be angry with his "fascist capitalist oppressors," and planning a revolution.  Or his comments could be interpreted on a much larger scale, in some dimension that we will never be able to see or understand.  Some realm of life that can only be reached by this man, this mystery, Red-Sweatpants Guy.  But, I'm leaning towards this idea:  he is just loony.  He walks around in red sweatpants for Pete's sake!

January 25, 1999
--Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania (CMU Campus)

At 11:28 AM EST, the Red Sweatpants Guy was spotted in the Baker Hall
computer cluster, BH 140.  Though not wearing said red sweatpants, he was
mixing it up a bit with some fashionable grey sweatpants.  When pressed for
a quote, he said nothing more than, "the one (computer) at the end is
broken."  And, with that ever-present grin on his face, he simply turned
around and walked away.  The legend grows.  More to come as events develop.

Date: Wed, 13 Jan 1999 12:08:43

I know that ICQ has the ability to launch programs when you connect, so
apps like kstatus, X-win32 will launch when you connect. However, as far as
having kstatus authenticate you when you log on to NT is more difficult,
and I am unsure how to do this. Since it works in the computer clusters,
maybe you could ask computing services if you could get the "kerborized"
version of NT from them.

Parag Patel reported this sighting:

I was walking from Mudge to Doherty at about 10:20 this morning and I saw
red sweatpants guy walking in the opposite direction, and he was wearing
red sweatpants. I realize that this isn't a particularly exciting
encounter, but this is the first time I've seen him in red sweatpants and
the first encounter of the semester.

Los Gatos Weekly-Times

Police Report

Suspicious person--Dec. 4, 2:16 p.m. on Blossom Hill Road. The caller saw a man in red sweatpants and a plaid shirt come out of the bushes and touch himself in a suggestive way. Police searched the area but did not locate him.

It is unclear exactly what the report means by "suggestive" but we can all imagine I think...though it is not suggested.