voodoochild.org

wednesday 5-feb-03 10:38 pm

Another relic of my childhood bites the dust.

tuesday 4-feb-03 8:57 pm

So if the problem really is the criminals who use guns, and not the guns themselves (as the gun control opposition would claim), then doesn't this mean we all agree that some members of the NRA leadership should go to jail?

sunday 2-feb-03 10:51 pm

My boss sent me this on Friday. It's a Powerpoint slide show that is supposed to help me review my salary for the upcoming year. Do you think he's trying to tell me something??

sunday 12-jan-03 9:04 pm

One of the people who lives below me in my building has had a thunderous cough for about two weeks now. I know this because I hear her sounding like she's about to hack up a lung every night while I'm trying to sleep. Don't people go to doctors anymore??

wednesday 8-jan-03 5:54 pm

This is perhaps the best summary of what I do at work that I've ever read:

If Architects had to Work like Programmers

Dear Mr. Architect:

Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion. My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.

Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough insulation in them).

As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be prepared to explain your decision in detail).

Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that the kitchen should be design to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.

To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make certain the you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year. Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.

Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house; get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet. However, keep in mind the my wife likes blue.

Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.

While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers. Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the feature this house has. I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor's house he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like in our new home, particularly the 75-foot swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new house without impacting the final cost.

Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be help accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.

You must be thrilled to be working on an interesting project such as this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is something that can't happen very often. Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.

PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions I've given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.

PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.

wednesday 8-jan-03 1:03 am

It's January 8. Have you taken down your Christmas decorations yet?